Chicken burgers dripping with sauce and mayo and chips smothered in chicken salt....never again! Blagh! I feel like someone has just forced some nuclear waste into my stomach and I'm either slowly rotting from the inside out or about to implode into a tiny, dense blob of dark matter. I'm on the computer so that I can be sitting hunched over around my stomach and groan while still feeling productive. Sheesh.

I am up to my ears in website designs. I'm revamping all of my websites...and when I say revamping I mean totally overhauling. Yay!!! This is exciting but also a lot of work. It would be a lot less work if I could just decide on a design instead of going back and forth changing bits here and adding bits there and starting something fresh one day and plotting other ideas the next. Then there are the designs that I just love except for one thing, like the background colour, so I change that and they just don't seem to work with anything else. Hmph. I'm so not supposed to be spending all this time on them either! But I get so carried away that it's hard not to.

On another note, a few months ago Ash and I came across a hideously big snake skin down by the lake on his property, which lots of people went on to identify as an Eastern Brown snake *shuddering the rolling ice down your spine shudder of utter disgust* And this thing was HUGE like probably over two metres long. So we've been dreading the coming of summer with a massive Brown snake lurking in the bushes ready to strike, and his property has heaps of bushland on it coming right up to the house. ANYWAY, today we went for a row on the lake and I spotted what looked like the fattest garden hose I have ever seen curled up on a fallen tree that was leaning into the water amongst the ferns that skirt the lake...and within a few seconds of drifting closer we saw that it was a massive, brilliant green Diamond Python! But what's more, the patterns on its skin matched those of the dried skin we found so it must have been this guy that went round leaving his PJs on the ground, not a Brown snake after all. I hope. Geez, I hope. This guy was soooooo pretty and so well camouflaged! And massive! His body was easily as thick as my upper arm in places...actually it was bigger. Maybe like my lower calf. He curled his big lazy muscle of a body round and round until his head lifted to look at us and he flicked his tongue. heehee! In a fit of originality we called him Monty then raced back to the house to get the camera. Unfortunately he was incredibly camera shy when we returned and had hidden half of his body back under the ferns. Here's what we could catch standing shakily in the prow of the small row boat and holding the camera up high while trying not to get too close...

Soooooooo tired! I'm literally cross-eyed from being so tired. It's only 12:33am...what's wrong with me?! Could be the minute details of the drawing in front of me..why do I do it?! :D I can't wait to finish this one so that I can be rid of this fear of ruining it! One thing about falling in love with an artwork is the accompanying fear with every stroke until it's done! And my cross-eyedness isn't helping!

I've been inside all day at the computer researching and I was feeling quite drained by the afternoon. Ash had been at the other computer too doing his work, and our lovely little dog Max had been trotting back and forth between us scamming hugs whenever he could. So when we looked up this afternoon to see a brilliant light all across the trees outside cast by a magnificent setting sun, we grabbed Max and rushed outside to soak in the last of the beautiful afternoon air. Ash jumped on his motorbike and I hopped on behind, holding Max between us with one arm and holding on to Ash with the other: and then we were off! Zooming round his property (surrounded by lovely bushland and dirt roads and tracks) with Max half excited and half not knowing what was going on! He's never been on the bike before. But he loved it by the end! His cute little white hair (which is quite boofy at the moment as he needs a trim!) was all blowing back in the wind and he was making excited moaning noises as he peered over Ash's shoulder. And then when we stopped and finally put him on the ground again he couldn't stop running around, he was on such a high! :D It's amazing how refreshing something like a quick zoom on a motorbike with friends in the gorgeous, cool, Eucalypt-smelling air can be! I feel quite nice!

I cleaned my room! :) Fiiinally. I've been meaning to do it for weeks. I had white flakes of dried gouache on the floor with the rolled up bits of eraser and god knows what else on the floor, books EVERYWHERE amid random bits of clothing (not mine either), bags, electric leads, USB cables, water bottles, paper, paper, paper, important documents under trashy recipes, all amid SO MUCH DUST! I finally found a place to cram the extra bedside table/cupboard thing I have that has sat half-crooked out into the room for ages. Not it sits firmly against a wall and looks quite neat! I can actually lean on my desk now to type without worrying what papers or drawings or art materials I'm crushing. I now know where all my product materials are that I had lost in the maze of THINGS! And yes...this is all in my bedroom! haha Most of the time I stay at Ash's house anyway so it can get left for longer and longer without me feeling the cramp and mess of it too much :d But now it feels so good to clean up!

Also today I came to an important realisation. I am such a Giles. Like a Buffy Giles. I have books and dust EVERYWHERE! I just love books so much and always get more to put on my shelves, even if I never get around to reading them, I just like to have them there incase one day I want to read random Celtic poetry from hundreds of years ago or check up on my Aztec history or read about medievalism in Fin de Siecle France. I think tweed coats, vests and spectacles are pretty cool and if I were a man Giles's age I'd wear them too. I'm obsessed with grammar and technicalities of language and think the written or spoken word is an art form, though admittedly one that is evolving and I'm a bit less stuck-in-mud!

BUT!

The thing that made me realise that I am a Giles more than anything is how technologically unaware I managed to remain pretty much until last year. I only set up my own email address at the end of 2002 when I finished high school and wanted an easy way to keep in touch with friends. That is pretty much ALL I used the internet for (email and chatting to Ash on msn...oh the delightful msn flirtations of our budding relationship! :P). Throughout uni I stayed away from the net for my assignments because until I was introduced to scholarly databases, google was the devil. I never once thought that ART might have a place online, let alone that there might actually be a whole fantasy art MOVEMENT occurring within the cyber space I was avoiding. I spent time drawing and wishing there were a way for my drawings to see more than the insides of folders stashed in my cupboards. How on earth is it that it took me until December of 2006 to realise that with a flick of a switch and a few minutes of connection time (dial-up back then!) I could have had what I've got now?! WHA? When I first came across the online fantasy art scene in 2006, I didn't even know who Jessica Galbreth or Amy Brown were. Of all the fairy artists out there, I didn't even know that the most mainstream and popular ones existed! I AM SUCH A GILES! If only I'd had a Jenny or a Willow to come and hook me up way back when :D

I was going to make a post early last week but haven't til now because I've just been feeling so apathetic. Last Tuesday night I went and saw "The Painted Veil" at the movies. It stars Naomi Watts and Edward Norton (both of whom I really respect as actors) and it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! I wanted to write up a whole post in my feelings about it but I just didn't think I could do them justice. The next day I visited the film's website and was even more blown away by the artistry, intelligence, respect, hard work and dedication that went into the film. I haven't seen a film like that for ages and it still, a week later, has me feeling such a deep sense of respect and gratitude that there are people out there with such a regard for literature, art, culture and the human story that they could create such a masterpiece. Wow. Anyway, I'd HIGHLY recommend seeing it, even if just for the beautifully sensitive acting or the breathtaking cinematography which captures a rural China that Westerners have not yet been able to see. I believe it's one of the first Western films that actually combines Western film production with the Chinese film industry and with Chinese crews and cast...the result is a wonderful meeting between two cultures in the modern day to tell the story of the meeting of the same cultures in the early twentieth century. BEAUTIFUL. One more thing...the love story between the two main characters is one of the most romantic, un-sappy, beautifully handled and poignant that I have seen in a long, long time. It is by no means the traditional love story and was so refreshingly REAL. I could definitely relate to it on such a real, personal level and I found it absolutely amazing. The entire film, every single tiny part that went into its production seems to have been done with such a deep and sincere respect. And that in turn is what I have for this film and the people who brought it about.

So after having said all that...the next morning I was driving Ash to work, which is not far from his house in the rural area in which I live, when all of a sudden after turning a corner we found two trucks coming toward us on our side of the road carrying demountable classrooms and not going slowly! They veered back onto their side of the road quickly and we barely sighed our relief when a massive piece of guttering, a few metres long came hurtling off the back of one of them and straight into my windscreen. If it had've been a few inches higher it might have come right through into my face and I don't like to think where Ash and I might be if it had (certainly not on this earth, that's for sure!). As it was, it was low enough to be near the stronger part of the window near the seam so that it didn't come all the way through and just smashed up the window instead. So anyway, I'm waiting now for the repair people to come and fix it (I haven't been able to drive my car all week). As it is I had to spend this morning walking home from Ash's house (he does NOT live within comfortable walking distance!) in the hot sun along the dusty main road with rattling trucks rumbling past, suffering the odd beeping of dumb-ass cars, all while I'm wearing clothes I wouldn't normally do exercise in (jeans, volleys and carrying my handbag stuffed with abnormally heavy and unnecessary items). There was no vehicle there to use and Ash had to get to work. :D So hot and tired with sore feet, I arrived home rather later than I should have (I wanted to make an early start, but being car-less kind of threw a spanner into the works there). I'm supposed to be writing a thesis abstract for my PhD as well, but after the ordeals I've been facing this hectic week, my head just doesn't want to get into gear. How do I summarise my massive, interconnecting orb of ideas into a 500 word, neat and concise statement? It's OK though, I can feel the cogs turning subconsciously and the words will appear as if out of thin air when they're ready. That's how it happens. I just hope they come before I'm supposed to hand this in to my supervisor! :D

Turn and face the strain..ch-ch-changes.... yeah anyway. Funny how there's always a song in my head that befits every mood I'm in or what I happen to be doing at the time! Yesterday was a day of changes for me, or NEW THINGS (!) at least....

1) I was in a film clip! It was all filmed last night and I'm in it and I can't wait to see the final product!

2) For this film clip I wore a corset..my first corset experience, and it was actually quite fun! Though I didn't have it done up tightly...god knows how those women used to manage!

3) For the film clip I also had to curl my hair, which is so stubbornly straight it's not funny, so its hard to curl at the best of times. Yet even harder when it's as long as mine happenned to be...I hadn't got it cut in 2 years, so thinking I could save myself some time with the curling iron I grabbed a chunk of my hair, lopped about 7 inches off it, handed the scissors to Ash and asked him to try to keep the rest in line with that length. I'd been meaning to get a hair cut anyway, so why not?! Ash's Dad stepped in to trim it for me since he used to be a hairdresser :) So now my hair feels all nice and short again (still long by most standards).

4) I made up a proto-type of a new necklace I'm going to offer on my website with my art on it and I love it! Gorgeous silver lockets with a cameo art print under a clear cabochon...yay!

Photos of my costume, curly shorter hair (I look sooo tired after a long night of filming) and close-up of my necklace...

 

Mood: depressed, angry, frustrated, despairing, listless, hurt, confused

Reason: Last night I watched the final episode of Robin Hood Season Two. If you've seen it you know why I feel this way. If you haven't then I won't ruin it by saying anymore except that I feel so gutted in so many ways at this directorial decision that has completely trashed the legend that was so humanely, humurously, charmingly, lovingly and respectfully treated until now. I can't see how this drastic mistake can be made better in Season Three, though a part of me hopes beyond reason that it does. I've a mind to write to the directors though I'm sure they've already received more than enough of what I would say. It's times like this you feel as if you should just be able to ring anyone up and speak with them. All I would say is a big Whyyy?!!! and plead with them to turn it all around. Though the options for doing this may be a bit cheesy or chiche, I'm sure the devoted audience would much prefer this to the devastating reality they seem to have set up. :(

I haven't posted here in ages so I thought I'd check in to say I'm still here! I've been ridiculously busy in so many areas...starting my PhD research is the busiest! It's full-on and also very draining when you're trying to get your vision for the thesis perfect...the vision that has to last 3 whole years! I've been reading lots and lots and trying not to fall asleep (reading makes me feel all snuggly and sleepy!). Then I've also had an awful lot of website coding and designing to do. I've got a few new products to add to my range soon and each of those has needed a fairy bit of work...and it continues. I've decided I'm going to stop announcing things in advance since something always seems to happen to make it take longer than I thought and then I just look like I can't stick to my word! Very frustrating and stressful. I'm also adding a whole lot of new original artworks for sale and reducing the price of others in a massive sale, which WILL go up at the start of next month, if nothing else! On top of that, I'm doing my wholesale website, which is proving to take a whole lot of time and energy, but I've wanted it to be finished for aaaaaages, so I'm determined to do it! I've also got commissions in the works, leaving me no time at all to breathe! I'm absolutely itching to paint something of my own! I have a list a mile long of "artworks to do next" and I haven't been able to touch it! Grrr! I want to just stop time for a bit so I can catch up to where my thoughts are stubbornly racing away. "Soon", I tell myself, "soon"....

 
(LJ was doing something weird with this post so I tried to delete it and re-post...hmph.)

Oh my God! I got into Epilogue! Yaaaay! haha I never thought I'd say that. I joined up early last year before I knew what it was, thinking it was just like DA or Elfwood and was shocked to get rejected pieces for really weird, non-descriptive reasons! I soon heard round the online town that Epilogue was well known for this sort of thing and was regarded by many as a bit of an arsey place. I began to hold a similar opinion and didn't bother submitting anything else until recently I remembered it and thought, "Hey, why not?" And I got accepted! Some of them are still pending but my little dragons got in! Little babies...I'm so proud! :D I think I might try and upload some more of my recent stuff soon...I just have to get time to adjust the copyright marks on them to still functional but barely noticeable...quite hard to do!

My Very Small Epilogue Gallery

I LOVE getting parcels in the mail! God it's fun! I got my envelopes today so hopefully the greeting cards will follow soon! (Yay!) I can't wait to get these, and the bookmarks! These are things I have been hand-drawing and making since I was about 3 years old (I used to draw fake barcodes on the back and write "RRP: $Pricless" above them! haha) I also used to put my logo in the middle and everything (It was a portrait of my 'Bunny'...the toy I've had since I was born and that still sits on my bed...shh)! And I still have a felt bookmark I made with my mum when I was maybe 2 (?) that has a giraffe eating leaves that I drew on it with permanent crayons. heehee Anyway, point is, I really, really can't wait to finally see some REAL greeting cards and bookmarks with REAL barcodes that are the product of my own creativity! FINALLY my little dreams are becoming reality! :D It's a nice feeling, to stop and look back at where you've come from :)

Following the tip from susanrodio  I created a profile on Talent Database...it took me most of the morning to get it ll done and all my pictures up, but it's there now! Phew! And I'm supposed to be drawing another commission! :S Tell you what, I am over this commission stuff! It's so hard to motivate myself to do it! I was going to start it last night after I got back from my first day of uni (which was great, by the way...met lots of cool people!) but I ended up going to the beach for dinner with Ash instead! heehee It was magical though! We sat and ate burgers and chips by the water and then watched the moon rise, so round and huge over the water! It was blood red at first and so amazing...then it disappeared behind a bar of cloud and then we got to watch it rise again above that! It was such a glittering, magical moment watching it peek it's first glimmers over the cloud top!

heehee My sisters and I have been talking for a while about our weird behaviours and quirks. Things that are totally not normal as far as most of humanity is concerned but that we three share. These conversations have mostly resulted in raucous laughter as we discover more weird things we do ("Oh my God! You do that too?! hahahaha) etc etc. Anyway...we found a quiz online (search Aspie Quiz in Google) which has 194 questions, some of which are really revealing and funny! Things you haven't noticed so much because no one has ever actually pointed them out and asked you. (One question was "Do you love walking on your toes?" While most people would laugh at this question, I realised that I am someone that actually does LOVE walking on my toes! I realised whenever I walk anywhere at home, its on my toes, and it gives me some giddy sense of delight! haha) At the end it gives you a series of conditions you are either likely, maybe, or unlikely to get a positive diagnosis for. The only one I was likely to be was OCD but I already knew that and ticked the self-diagnosis box at the beginning of the test. The maybes were (rather unsettlingly) Schizophrenia, Bipolar and Social Phobia (haha...the portrait of an artist! Seriously. Apparently a lot of creative people are bipolar, which is tied into their massive swings of creative fervour). Unlikelies includes things like Autism, Asperghers, A.D.D etc. It was so interesting! :D

Take quiz here....but remember...be brutally honest!

It's a funny thing that whenever I paint, which usually starts one morning and goes all day and often into the night, I very quickly identify with the paint tattoos that appear and am very reluctant to wash them off until the painting process is truly over. You know, the splotches and smears of paint or ink on your arms, hands, even face an hair (when the painting's REALLY good!). It's as if these marks represent something of the spiritual and emotional journey for me when I'm being creative and to wash them off half way through the day would be to wash away some of the energy of the painting I'm working on. As I type I have a rather nice splotch of black ink on my left inner arm that I've grown attached to...the result of an artwork that now lies on my floor, almost finished except for the nagging feeling that it has something left to be revealed. Something that will be made clear to me soon, if I just let it rest for a while, and as long as I don't wash off that paint! :)

I've had such a good day! I woke up this morning not a second before I felt ready to and then lay for a while just enjoying the morning light spilling onto my bed (from its new position by the window)...it was so lovely! Then I spent the morning listening to Ash playing piano and practicing vocal exercises while I leisurely browsed the internet, after which I started designing my greeting card range! It's so nice being in my room now with the way it's set up...my computer is finally on the desk, with graphics tablet and all the printers hooked up, which tuck neatly away behind the cupboard doors...I have FLOOR SPACE! and things don't fall out of my cupboards onto my head all the time. So relaxing and peaceful and just...ahh!

Also, since everyone did a Battlestar Galactica personality quiz I thought I'd do mine too...but then I saw they had Buffy, which my loyalties just couldn't let me refuse...

I'm still only about 1/2 way through cleaning my room and moving it all around so I dared not stay here last night amongst all that stressful bad-feng-shui mess! So I scampered off to Ash's house and stayed there...he's recently cleaned his room and made it all lovely so it was such a relief! And there is nothing like snuggling in the arms of someone who makes you feel warm and safe to give you a peaceful night's sleep! :)

I've finally finished work!!!! YAY!!!! And I have about 2 1/2 weeks free until I start my PhD full-time. No more work stress! But do you think I feel liberated? Free? Giddy with holiday goodness? No....instead I've had the two most sleepless nights of my life, have been having borderline anxiety attacks and really bad dizzy spells like I'm on a badly rocking boat. And I think it's my subconscious dealing with having to let go of comforts and move on out to a new place. I've been working there for the last 4 years and it's paid for almost everything I own...my car, ALL of my art stuff and computers, printers etc....I worked damn hard! And now it's gone. I wanted this day to come for 4 years, it's here and suddenly I freak out? When I go to Uni and start getting the scholarship I'll be getting more, more regularly than I did at my job. And for researching and generally doing what I love! But then I start to wonder...what if I don't love it? What if I hate it? What if I suck at it and my teachers hate me?! What if I have no time for my art or creative side at all? What if I do but can't manage the business side of it as I've wanted to from when I was little?! What if... (My rational brain kicks in...'easy, quit and go get a full time job you WILL enjoy doing, that'll actually allow you to move away from home and may help you art business MORE') I have an angel and a devil arguing in my head and generally creating havoc in a mind that is supposed to be relaxing!!! Gaaaarrrggghhhh! AND I'm cleaning my room and feeling guilty for throwing out teddy bears and toys that have been with me for years and formed a great part of my development. :( I'm trying to create a clutterless art studio/office/bedroom that will see me less hectic, stressed and generally crazy when I do go back to Uni. If I make it there before tearing my hair out through lack of sleep....

Following a prompt from susanrodio to say what I thought about 'The Golden Compass' (which I saw last night), I thought I'd share my opinion.....I LOVED IT! Totally worth seeing! I love those kinds of movies anyway but it was so well cast and Lyra was played so beautifully and the daemons are sooooo soooooooo cute! Especially Pan in his kitty form! So my advice: go and see it! (Better be quick because I'm sure it won't screen for much longer!) One thing I did think however was how graphic movies are getting..for a movie marketed to young kids it had some moments which would have had me bawling my eyes out as a younger kid (I used to cry when things got hurt because I felt so sorry for them). I won't say which parts because it would ruin the movie, but there was a tiny boy sitting next to us in the theatre with his mother and his eyes looked like saucers at one stage before he was hiding them in his mother's arms! Poor little thing! AND, not having read the books before, I didn't realise it continues into sequels, which meant it ended WAY before I wanted it to! :( I could watch those movies for days if they went that long! :)

In other news, my cat has taken to leaping at me out of nowhere and biting my legs. This morning I was still wearing my pyjamas (boxer shorts since its Summer here) and I noticed him looking at me funny from across the room. Next second I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye and he's soaring through the air with claws spread and a maniacal expression on his face, before he latched onto my leg and sunk his teeth right in. It bloody hurt and after getting him off he chased me around the room! I had to watch him carefully after that. What the hell is he playing at? I'm about 20 times the size of him and he wants to take me on! Silly cat...

Today has felt like one of the most productive days I've had in a long time! It was my first day off work in quite a while so naturally I had a lot of "other" work to take care of! Appointments to keep, bank stuff to do, post office business, etc etc... I woke up to leisurely chat with Ash in the morning before he left for work (poor thing!) and for once didn't have to put on my gross Pet resorts uniform as well. I dressed nicely for a change and felt clean for once! Then I took care of all my business at a leisurely pace in the morning, came home for lunch and before I knew it I found myself drawing away at a commission I had been meaning to finish for a few days...before long it was all finished and ready to give to its owner, which I promptly did and she loved it! Yay! It was my first proper commissioned artwork, a small graphite portrait of a newly wed couple. Why is it that no matter how long you've spent on an artwork or project any other day, the day you finish it feels like the most productive?! Anyway, I feel good today having finished that...and Ash just came back from work so we're going out to dinner and to see The Golden Compass! Yay! (Finally...I think it's almost finished screening!)